Emotional Blackmail is when a person use an emotional threat to make you obey their wishes. For example, “If you go to that cricket match and not stay here and talk with me, I’ll end this relationship.” This type of abuse works on people who are empathetic and generally kind people. This is a manipulation, playing on the fears and emotions of a kind person, to get ones way.

The abuser prey on the victim’s caring nature and empathy.Hoping to manipulate them into complying with every wish.A person that loves you and cares for you, will not resort to emotional threats or try to manipulate you in any way. Only selfish people, who care only about themselves, are willing to blackmail others.

Think about it, if you loved someone, would you want to trap them into doing something that they didn’t want to do? And would you play on that person’s good nature or insecurities to get what you wanted? The healthy answer is a big NO.Signs of Emotional Blackmail includes:

Demand

It’s when a person leaves you with no choice, but to do what they wish of you. They will shout that you’re not a very good friend or care for them.Unless you call off plans or activities of going on vacation, to the movies, or a family gathering for them. They will threaten to leave, pack up their bags, cry or shout, or threaten to harm themselves.

Punishment

If you are more likely and often punished for not doing what the abuser wish, this is a sign! If a person is pouting, crying until you give in to demands.Threatening to end the relationship, or withholding physical intimacy. Till you do what he or she wants, this is emotional blackmailing.

Forced Decisions

If you’re always forced to do what you don’t want to, more often or not this is a sign. You wind up doing things the other person’s way.Due to fear that they will leave you, or harm themselves. That generally kill any peace of mind for you (“she won’t let me relax, until I do what she wants!”).This is emotional blackmailing.

Manipulation is NEVER a healthy part to any relationship! It’s best to leave such an abusive relationship. But, if you do choose to stay and work on your relationship with an Emotional Blackmailer, here’s a tip. DON’T give in to their demands, threats, or cries! You don’t help them, in this way! Not giving in helps them learn how to be in a healthy relationship.

Emotional Blackmail in relationships

Emotional Blackmailers want what they demand for and nothing else. Most people who have been in a relationship with an emotional blackmailer. Appreciate that there is no reasoning when someone is in this state. The behaviors are irrational and the demands are unreasonable. Some useful suggestions on what needs to be done during an exchange with the blackmailer. Consider taking a long pause before you adhere to the request. Take a break and think about how you are feeling about the demand. Create some distance from the emotions.So you can make a healthy decision based on the logic, rather than the emotional default. Put it on your timetable. It will create off balance and it can be scary. There will be pressure to get back into the old patterns, so there is likely to be discomfort.

 After Break Up

If emotional blackmail used during the relationship and there is a break-up.There is no longer a direct method for such manipulation tactics. This can cause an emotional unstable person to act out even more if their means for control are taken away. Manipulator’s behaviors may increase in intensity and in a frequency. More severe threats of self-harm.And inducing guilt would be common in a breakup situation. It is important for the victim to remember that they are not responsible for their ex’s needs and feelings. It is important to seek protection if the victim is feeling unsafe. This may seek professional help to establish healthy boundaries.

Emotional blackmail is a painful and dysfunctional pattern of abuse.This is where manipulator is attempting to control the victim. We hope that continued education and awareness on this topic will help people. To understand, prevent, and address emotional blackmail in relationships.

Thank you, for taking out your precious time to read.

Happy Living Foundation provides Couple Counseling, Pre Wedding Consultation. We also provide counseling for Depression, Stress Management, Career Counseling, Behavior Modification. If you are living in Delhi NCR, India or any other part of the World, you can approach us through any of these mediums. Please visit Happy Living Foundation or call us at +91-9810885481

Author:
Hitesh Mohan
(Counseling Psychologist)